Sunday, December 25, 2011

It Started With An Aluminum Tree...

...and kind of got out of hand from there.

Some of us were more excited about the theme than others. 

I'm pretty sure we're going to stick with this look all year long. 


Mom?  I'm pretty sure none of my friends do things like this. 

Love the double-knit.

The fondue is ready!

Is this tie wide enough?  I think it needs to be wider.  Much, much wider. 

I could use a Tab. 

A Very Polyester Christmas Special.

Here's hoping your holidays are full of smiles and totally lacking in itchy slacks. 

Thursday, December 8, 2011


I'm pretty sure if I don't change my November banner, Christmas will not come and I'll have a chance to finish everything. 

Yeah, and maybe these two will find a way to be useful. 


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I Prefer Herbivores...

Have you noticed the owls?  Everywhere are these googly eyed owl pillows, owl pin cushions, owl pot holders, appliqued owl underpants.  Ok, maybe not that last one but who decided that owls were cute?  Owls are predators, they eat cats, small dogs and little old ladies.  Just carry them right away.  Not cute, is what I say. 

That's right grandma, owls are cuddly.  Let's hug. 
 So I've been thinking...scary, I know.  I think we need a new trend.  New pillow fodder, if you will.  So here you go.  Goats are the new owls.

You're welcome.

(All available in my Etsy shop)


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Poor Ernit....

Scene:  Kitchen of a drafty old farmhouse.  Middle-aged man sitting at table acting crabby.  Teenage girl enters room, takes plate from cupboard, walks toward pan of lasagna on stove.  Middle-aged but very attractive and young spirited woman observes from doorway.

Middle-aged man:  You hungry?

Teenage girl:  (rolling her eyes) Yeah.

Middle-aged man:  Do you want some lasagna?

Teenage girl:  (rolling her eyes even more than usual) Yeah.

Middle-aged man: (more crabbily than usual) I made that you know.

Teenage girl:  (sighing heavily) Yeah.

Middle-aged man:  Well, what did you do to earn it?

Teenage girl:  (sighing even heavilier than usual)  Oh my God!   I don't even know who Ernit is! 

Middle-aged man looks confused.  Teenage girl looks snarky.

Middle-aged but very attractive and young spirited and also brilliantly smart woman:  Snort-snort, laugh-laugh-laugh-laugh.  Ernit!  What DID you do to Ernit?  Bah-hahahahahah. 

True story

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa (I was the attractive one-just so if you was wondering)

Monday, October 31, 2011

I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks

Here are a few true stories of my very own ghosts....(Really, I know I'm prone to exaggeration, but these things really did happen to me)

The little farmhouse was built in 1900, so the chances of lingering spirits is pretty good.  Unfortunately in the 12 years I have lived here, I have only seen two.  Though actually, it may only be one because the second one was that guy in the fedora.  I had seen him once before at my grandmother's apartment and truth be told, I'm not a big fan.  He was standing in the small hallway that leads out of my bedroom, but in his favor he did go away when I asked him to.  But the first ghost I saw was outside, in the middle of the afternoon.  Down in the back corner of our yard before it turns to fields is an old screen house.  We converted it into the goat barn by boarding up the screened windows and putting a solid door on the front.  A few weeks after we did this, I came home and as I drove along the front of our property I looked down into the field and saw a man with tan work pants and a baseball cap walking into the building.  He looked to be in his early 60's and  he just seem curious.  I drove into the driveway and took the kids inside and went down and there was of course no one there.  I'm pretty sure it was the man who lived here last, his name is Milton and he died in 1976.  I haven't seen him again but sometimes after I've fed the goats at night and they are all settled in, something will spook them and I'll have to go down and convince them to go back inside.  I'm hoping this spring to build a new goat house and we'll probably tear that one down.  It will be interesting to see what Milton thinks of that.

Another ghost of mine was at a rental cottage we leased for a week a few years ago.  The cottage was situated on a cliff overlooking the ocean.  The building had originally been a store in Canada and the owners had actually brought it over by barge in the late 1800's for the owner's wife who had been prescribed ocean air for lingering illnesses.   It was a really cool place, but I could always feel this weird expectancy that there was something about to happen.  It was kind of like we were there with another family and we were doing our best to ignore each other.  On the last day, my husband took the kids home and I stayed behind to clean up.  As I put everything back where it was supposed to be, swept the floors and straighted the furniture I could feel someone watching me.  It wasn't scary, I was just aware of her.  As I stood at the door and looked around to make sure I hadn't left anything behind, I don't know why I did it but I said, "Thank you for letting us use the cottage.  We had a wonderful time."  As I turned to leave, the smell of butterscotch surrounded me.  There was no candy or anything left in the cottage that smelled like butterscotch.  I think it was the wife telling me "You're Welcome".

My husband thinks I'm nuts, but the most haunted house I've ever been in was the one he grew up in and even he can't deny it.  In the middle of the ceiling in his old room there was a light fixture with a string you had to pull to turn the light on.  You had to pull it quite hard, wait for the click and then let go.  One night I was sleeping in the room alone and the light came on all by itself.  Rattle---wait---click.   The next morning I mentioned this to him and his parents and that was when they shared that they heard sounds like people walking up and down the stairs and how the appliances turned themselves on in the middle of the night.

How about you?  What are your ghosts like?

Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I'm a Friend of Bill Kindle...

Got virus...

Computer in repair place...


Forgot how to use buttons...

How does internetz work?

Why am I talking like this??

Because it was tragic, TRAGIC, I say. 

Though,  I did learn that I can read blogs and Facebook statuses (statusi...stata?) on my Kindle.  Not easily, but say if someone was having some sort of, oh I don't know, withdrawal can be done.  Kind of like when an alcoholic with no cash has to drink hair spray.  Sort of.  That's my totally appropriate analogy of the day.  

I sincerely apologize to the alcoholics that read this blog.  My broken computer was probably nothing like drinking hair spray. 


Friday, October 14, 2011

Halloween Mantle...

Today, I have to work.  I have to clean the hen house and get it ready for cold weather.  I need to clean the bathroom (the one in the house, the chicken's don't have a bathroom-they just poop wherever they want-hence why I need to clean the hen house...actually, that's kind of the same reason I need to clean the bathroom-AIM people! Jeesh).  I need to clean the summer clothes out of the boys' drawers and replace them with warm clothes. 

So, of course, I did none of that and played with my mantle instead. 

In other news.  My husband says he will either kill me or leave me if I bring this 3-legged muffin head home.

I think he's bluffing. 

Smiles from the farm,

Sunday, October 9, 2011


I herd ALL the goats...

Oh yeah, all of them...really? 

Yup.  I very good at herding goats. 

Are ya' now?

....ummm, yes. 


Why you laugh at me?

'Cause you're dumb. 

Smiles from the farm,

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Weekend...or Two Boys and a Drooling Cow...

This weekend I went out of the house, out of the town and out of the State.  I drove a lot and ate a lot of the required traveling foods.  Gummy Bears, Blazin' Buffalo Doritos and Throwback Pepsi (it has REAL sugar-so you know, good for you).  I took the old teenager to her very first concert.  We saw the Avett Brothers...and iffin' you don' t know the Avett Brothers, they are two very nice young men from North Carolina who sing a sort of country mixed with ummmm...lots of gummy bears and real sugar Pepsi.  These boys have lots of energy is what I'm saying.  Here, see for yourself...

Actually if you watched that whole thing, that doesn't even begin to show the energy they put into a live show.  These pictures aren't my fault.  The dude would not stay still...have you ever heard a screaming banjo?  So exciting....

They did a wonderful job and since I don't think their momma was there, I will say that I was very proud of how polite and kind they were.  My only problem with the show was that they are pretty well known for their beards and Seth was clean shaven, so I kind of feel cheated out of a beard.  I'm pretty sure the box office will be refunding half of the ticket price shortly. 

It was a lovely weekend and from now on any concert that I attend that does not have a cow with a saddle on it wandering the crowd, well it will just not measure up.  (We have tickets for the Drive By Truckers in Portland next month...I should call the box office to see how many cows they'll have.)

Yup, she's drooling. 

Oh and somehow I broke my Kindle while we were there.  My heart was broken, 'cause I sure do love my Kindle. See those lines at the top, NOT supposed to be there and they won't go away.   BUT I called Amazon this morning and they're sending me a brand new one that should be here by Thursday.  So it's all good. 

When the customer service lady asked me if I needed anything else, I should have mentioned that true satisfaction always includes a drooling cow... but they probably teach them that in Amazon Customer Service College. 

Smiles from the farm,

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


I'm not usually a nitpicker.  I embrace the imperfect.  But when the silverware drawer face came off this week and I asked Husband to fix it, this is what I got.  With weird head screws and Gorilla Glue, and it was late at night and I had to walk down to the shed to get tools to rip it back apart. Then I let him fix it again.  It's still crooked, less crooked, but still crooked.  I'm going to let it go.  It's just a drawer.  It's not a big deal.  Deep breaths. 

In other breaking news, I bought a scroll saw at the auction this summer for $7.00.  AND because I'm evidently a narcissistic 13 year old, I set to work making my own name.  Jake disapproves. 

So I'm still working on my big secret project and I have actual plans to put on clothes without stains and go outside the house this weekend.  Hope your week is going swimmingly!

Lisa (really, that's my name-in case you weren't aware)

Thursday, September 15, 2011


There comes a time in my day when I am alone in the house.  I pause to take a breath and relish the three hours wherein I have hoisted the responsibilty of everyone onto someone else's shoulders.  During that time I wonder what it would be like to live alone with only my OWN dishes to wash, my OWN underwear to pick up, my OWN sorry butt to get to and from wherever it needs to go.  I fantasize about how lovely that would be. 

Then I see something like this on the refrigerator.  Since we had the cable disconnected we don't watch a lot of TV.  However, we do have Net Flix and I, on some days, have watched entire seasons of The Office--day after day until there are no more to watch. 

As I lean against the sink, I giggle over my mug of tea.  If I lived alone, now who would leave me notes in plastic letters on the fridge?  They're weird, but I sure do love my family. 

Smiles from the farm,

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Many different hats...

Ok not MANY but, like, two hats.

Don't you just love hats?  I sure do.  I made these two last week.  You know who looks like a weirdo in hats?  Me.  I just keep thinking that if I make or find the right hat...but alas, all hats look stupid on me.  I think it's because the hat needs to be an accessory, not the thing that everyone is looking at.  Do you know what I mean?  I have a little head and washed out skin and tired eyes so when you put a great big hat on my head...well it just looks very, very sad.  Sigh....

Oh, nope...wait a minute.  Let's see if this one will work...

That's about as good as it's going to get. 

Smiles from the farm,

Monday, September 12, 2011

Brief bursts of creativity...

I've been feeling crafty lately.  What I haven't been feeling is rich.   So all my projects have to have a little more thought put into them since I don't want to spend any money.  My office chair was looking pretty...gross.

So here are the step-by-step instruction on how I made it look better.

1.  I unscrewed all the screws on the back and ripped it apart.
2.  I put new fabric on it.
3.  I put it back together. 

It took about 10 minutes.  I broke the black plastic that holds the cushions in a couple of places.  I think if I had hit it with a blow dryer, I might have been able to pry it off without cracking it.  I didn't do that.  It cracked.  I care little.

For it looks much better and I am happy.  Also the first picture I took of the chair is weird and I'm pretty sure my living room is haunted. 

Smiles from the farm,

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Strange Fruit...

My garden suffered terribly this summer from weed infestation, potato bugs and neglect.  However, my goat tree, without any tending from me,  is just flourishing.

I think this one is just about ripe. 

Smiles from the farm,

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Back to School!

Some of us are less enthused then others...

He actually had a very good day.  He was just very tired. 

Smiles from the farm,

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Summer blogging... anyone out there? 

I'm looking forward to fall.  I know, I know, but there are SOOO many kids here and they all need to go places and I'm just ready to take advantage of the money I pay in property taxes and send the lot of them off to bother other people. 

I am working on a project that I'm not ready to share with anyone yet.  Don't you hate that?  I mean why mention it at all.  Well, the thing is, is that it's pretty big and if I say anything now, then the whole excitement will be gone and I'll quit and I don't want to do soon I will tell you.  Other then that, this is what I've done this summer.

I made a skirt from an old curtain.  It is a skirtain.  Yes that's copyrighted, don't even think about stealing it.  Unless you say please, and then ok, go ahead.  I would have modeled it, but I don't feel like combing my hair. 

Then I made this cuff, because my bees all died last winter and I miss them.  (Sorry Kelly, I killed your bees)  I guess it was a pretty rough year for old Apis Mellifera (see how smart I am? or Google is...whatever) and even some professional beekeepers lost their entire colonies.  I'll order more this winter and try again next spring.  IN THE MEANTIME, here is my memorial for my darling Bea and also for the other Bea.

Did you know that you can print right on fabric?  I'd do a tutorial, but since I can't take the fabric away from you and sigh dramatically because you're obviously doing it wrong, I'm just not very good at them.  Pretty much all I did was take some thin muslin and glue it to a piece of card stock with one of the kid's glue sticks, smooth it down and run it through the printer.  I don't know if it will stand up to water, but it looks cool for now.  The bee is embroidered, the latin name is what I printed.  I should teach classes. 

Then I babysat my favorite basset hound, Ruby.  It was hard work. 

Haley tried out for the High School Football Cheerleading squad and Ruby helped her practice.  Well she helped her at the end of the practice, that counts you know.  Did I mention how hard it is to care for basset hounds?

Jake has tried to eat us.  Really.  He's turned into kind of a jerk. 

I castrated this goat.  Newsworthy?  Well he is about ten weeks old and has/had (will shortly no longer have) balls the size of a small planet...what?  Too much?  Sorry. 

The fun just never ends.  So, I'm gonna go work on my big secret project now and I sure do hope everyone is having a (big castrated goat) BALL this summer!  (Again, sorry)

Smiles from the farm,