Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Dear Santa...

I would like these.  I would also like to live in 1964 and work at Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Price.  But not really, I just want to dress like Joan. 

Thank you,

Friday, July 23, 2010

Ode to the dude who invented the Hair Straightener...

My life before you was all  fuzzy and huge
and birds would build nests at the top of my do
Now, the scrunchies, hats and swear words I used
I've discarded like stale bread and yesterday's news.

Since we met,  my coif is all shiny and smooth
And the poodles have all stopped threatening to sue.
My words might be trite, but I swear they're all true
Oh hair straightener guy,  I think I  love you.

The end. 

Smiles from the farm,

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Now a word from Mr. Thomas

Despite the recent influx of puppy...I have retained my poise and dignity. 

I cannot begin to understand why they find him adorable.  Dude isn't even potty trained. 

His little barks and jumps and attempts at engaging me in some sort of ridiculous puppy game, are understandably unheeded. 

For now I will allow him to stay.  Though I WILL taste his food first, and my food will remain off limits. 

And I will not let the people forget that I was here first and I can do cute too. 

Thank you and that is all.

Mr. Thomas

Friday, July 16, 2010


I am not easily surprised by anything.  I believe it comes from being so nosey.  When I was a child I would rather sit in the shadows or under the table and listen to what the adults were talking about then go outside and play inane games of hide and seek (which always made my heart race uncomfortably anyway).  My parents used to call me Grammy, I have been old for a very long time. 

One thing that does surprise me is that I surprise other people.  People are sometimes surprised by the things that I do.  Husband is sometimes surprised by the things that I do.  The man who I have known somewhat since the fifth grade.  I surprise him...really? 

I am the person who went to the store for milk and came home with goats.  I am the person who changes jobs,  friends, brands of toilet paper and wallpaper like underpants.   I admit that I am always changing, but having said so, it shouldn't be surprising to anyone anymore. 

So why on earth did he shake his head and throw his hands up in the air when I walked through the door with this.....


Smiles from the farm,
Lisa & Little Jake, Jr. " J.J."

Friday, July 2, 2010

Just don't ask me to do brain surgery...

When I had a booth at the antique mall, those three times, before I got bored and started chasing butterflies...hmmmm.....where was I going with this?  Oh yeah, I have a short attention span and get bored very, very easily but I'm up for almost anything as long as it doesn't entail repetition or the same action more than once.  The owner of the antique mall knows this about me since I've had three booths there and usually last about about a year or less. 

Well a few weeks ago she had a lady ask if she knew anyone who did upholstery, because she had a family heirloom, Victorian sofa that she needed recovered.  Well my antique mall lady gave her my name because I am a master upholsterer.  OH wait, no I'm not.  In fact other than stapling some fabric to chair seats, I have no clue as to how to do upholstery.  So of course when she called and told me she has this sofa that has been in her family for over 100 years and when she was a child she wasn't even allowed to sit on it and it means the world to her and how much do I charge for upholstering Victorian heirloom sofas, well I very regrettably told her that I didn't have a clue as to how to do that....Oh come on, you people know me better than that!  I told her to bring it on over and I'd get right to work on it being the master upholsterer that I am.  (I really am a living "I Love Lucy" episode). 

So she asked me to please be careful with it, it was priceless...I told her I would be very gentle with it. 

Here it is after I started ripping stuff off it because I was too freakin' excited to get a true before shot. 

She told me that it used to sit between the windows of her grandmother's farmhouse sitting room and no one was allowed to sit on it except for company.  Her grandmother had passed away a few years ago and she had just received the sofa from an aunt who only let her have it if she promised to take care of it.   I told her I would guard it with my life....

I think my thought process while I was doing this was, "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!"  Did I mentioned that  I have no idea what I'm doing?

She has called several times over the past two weeks to see how it was going.  I told her it was going wonderfully and I should be done in about a week.  In fact, at that point I hadn't even looked at it since I had shoved dynamite into the cushions and blown that sucker UP!  I am such a professional.  I did browse a copy of "Upholstery for Dummies" at the library.  I didn't check it out though, I owe a few fines...

This looks right, doesn't it?  Husband asked why I pulled the arms off.  Because I could and I wanted to see what was inside.  Yes, I was that kid who tore apart every retractable pen in the house much to my stepfather's ongoing chagrin. 

So although I know nothing about upholstery, I figured the first guy who upholstered something probably didn't know anything either.  To truly learn something new you just have to do it.  Probably not with someone else's grammy's legacy, but whatever....  I love to sew and I love fabric and just looky here, I can do upholstery.   But like I said above, don't ask me to do brain surgery, 'cause you know the first guy who did brain surgery probably didn't know what he was doing either....No, wait, just don't ask, it might not turn out as well as grammy's sofa. 


Smiles from the farm/upholstery shop/neurophysiology office,