Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Grandfather starts kindergarten...

Several people have given me two suggestions to the following question today:

~~Now that all your kids are in school, what are you going to do with your time?

1.  You should go home and take a long hot bubble bath.

2.  You should go home and curl up with a good book.

Which leads me to the conclusion that for the 11 years that I have had one or more children at home, that I must have:

1.  Smelled bad.

2.  Turned stupid. 

Happy Kindergarten Little Bud, thank goodness the line at the Wal-Mart hair cutting place was so long and you got to go to the first day of school looking like a used car salesman.  Nothing cuter than a 5-year-old with a comb over.

By the way I did not take a long hot bubble bath or read a good book.  I stayed with him.  Another blessing of a having  a special needs child, no one bats an eye when you hang out for the first day (or week-or sporadic check-ins the first six months) of kindergarten.   


Sunday, August 22, 2010

Wish you were here...

I know everyone has a loyalty to home, but man I just couldn't live anywhere but here.   This is the waterfall at Screw Auger Falls in Gulf Hagas, about an hour from my house.  It's knock-you-on-your-butt pretty.  I could have just sat there for hours but then some idiot decided it would be a nice idea to walk out on that rock just above the falls---with a baby in his arms.    Deep breaths.  This is not Disney Land, this is a real waterfall on real slippery rocks in the middle of real freakin' nowhere.  Respect it.  You real dumb-ass. 

To get to the hiking trails you first need to cross this stream.  I learned today that all men have sissy feet.  You should have seen the guys prancing and wincing as they crossed this.  Mine included---sorry dear.  The girls and I walked across without so much as a stumble and I had a puppy in my arms.

Speaking of puppies, I also learned that evidently no one has ever seen a puppy before.  I mean it took us an extra hour to hike the trail because of all the puppy love.  Even people who had their own dogs had to stop and pat the puppy.  "LOOK AT THE PUPPY!  A DOG, THAT IS LITTLE!  A LITTLE DOG!  IS THAT A PUPPY!"  Holy crap dude, really? 

But look at my little puppy, isn't he a little shmooopsie...I WUV WOOO-WIDDLE PUPPY PANTS..I do, I really do....  Um, ahh, yea, sorry about that.  I think the world would be a better place if everyone had a puppy.  How could you hate someone with a puppy?  There, I just figured out world peace.  You can thank me later. 

I frequently find fungus fascinating.

Then we came to this place in the trail where you had to hug the side of a freakin' mountain and pray and cry and hold the hands of small teenage girls.  Scary is what I'm saying.  This is NOT what I signed up for is what I'm saying.  I was promised that beyond this point was a place where we could swim, but I was doubting the price for that at this point.   But we survived, we triumphed and this is what was at the end of the trail... 


This cliff, and at the bottom of the cliff was this...

If we were dogs we would be labs.  Big fan of water.  This water was cold.  No, I don't think you understand.  COLD.  Very very very cold.  But, awesome.  The stream of water from the falls carries you down the stream and it may have pushed a slightly out of shape pretty close to being 40 year old mother into a crevice where she had to ask for help to remove herself from.  Or so I've heard. 

So there is a story in the following pictures.  A certain teenage girl is prone to injury.  We had just hiked 2 1/2 miles with no visible signs of blood.  Some pus from a blister, but no blood.  Then this was captured on film or disc or magic camera stuff, whatever...

Teenage girl is convinced to put on bathing suit and get in water.  I am pointing, she is swimming, little teenage girl is sitting.  All is well. 

Big teenage girl has bumped her knee and is assessing damage.

Wound is deemed to warrant further inspection.

Are you ok? 
I'm bleeeeeding. 

Then we threw the puppy off the cliff.

I'M KIDDING.  The puppy was tired.  The puppy swam.  The puppy ran.  The puppy slept on the warm rocks for an hour. 

We could have gone further, there are more falls and stuff.  Momma couldn't do it.  Momma and puppy wanted to go get an ice cream and go home and cuddle on sofa and watch Pride and Predjudice and ask little teenage girl what was happening now as she dozed off.  So we did.  But the Maine woods isn't going anywhere soon.  We'll be back.  With bandaids. 

Smiles from the farm,

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


Something brutally murdered one of the turkeys.  So we set a trap. 

In the morning we had captured the evil beast.  We approached slowly.

It was angry, this blood thirsty monster.  

As we approached, it turned and faced us down.  It bared it's vicious fangs, it's muzzle was smeared with the dregs of rancid flesh (Pedigree dog food, chunky style) we had used to bait the trap.  Suddenly it  let out a howl of fury.  My blood ran cold and for a moment I didn't know if I could go any closer.  Surely no one would escape this confrontation unscathed.  This beast certainly had no heart at all, it cared not that I was a mother or that I had a yard sale to initiate in the near future if I felt like it but most likely would blow it off until I needed four feet of space in my shop or the floor collapsed from the weight of it all.

But I am not a thoughtless animal.  I could not let even this gruesome creature suffer, confined in a steel cage, thrashing and screaming for egress.  I stifled my laughter gathered my courage, and approached and set it FREE!!!

As it ran back to it's lair, it turned and paused for a brief moment as if to thank me.  Or flip me off, but since cat's don't have knuckles I'll go with the former.  For one small moment in time the beast and I understood one another and a craving for liver and sardines washed over me like a mournful wind on a lonely moor.  Oh, beast I shall ever remember you as...Thomas.  Ya' big dummy.

Smiles from the farm,

Friday, August 6, 2010

A short little span of attention....

I have something very important to tell you.  It is terribly important and serious, so do sit down and listen carefully.  I just learned from a very reliable source that....



Oh, look a butterfly....

While I was supposedly cleaning my shop and finishing some work up and cleaning my house-I found these old pieces of wood that I wouldn't let Husband throw away.  Because I wanted to paint pictures on them.  Which I did.  I also painted the word "Whisper" on the butterfly one, because Husband's suggestion of "What the hell are you doing?  I thought you were cleaning and why are the children eating gummy worms for lunch?" just didn't have the same ring to it.   Yeah I definitely like "Whisper" better.  I showed it to him, but he misread it as "Whatever".  Poor dear must need glasses. 

Oh and here's one with eggs on it.  Just 'cause. 

They will be on Esty for $25.00 for the butterfly and $15.00 for the eggs, which includes shipping, as soon as the paint dries or if you want 'em shoot me an email!  Now back to cleaning.  Ooooh look, bubbles!

Smiles from the farm,

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

TLC needs a whole new weirdo category just for me....

This is not a flea market.  This is not a yard sale.   This is not the opening sequence of Sanford and Son.  This is not the partial contents of a crazy person's shop.  Oh wait, that last one?  Yeah that one might be right. 

Let's delve a bit closer into the bottomless, black pit of my illness.  Please come along if you dare.

Are those disembodied mannequin parts?  Why of course they are.  I have three complete mannequins.  Lucy Parker, Doris Cooper and Mabel Jones.  Sometimes their parts get scattered.  I actually have the same problem.  What else is out here, well we have dress screens, end tables, four or five foot stools, red folding stool, two walking dolls from the 60's, three beds, lamps, dishes, shelves, easels, porch ballisters, cookie jars...you don't want me to go on do you?  Ok.  Well let's head on inside.  There's more.

Lamps, plaques, pictures, desks, couches (yes more than one), arm chairs, frames--behind those doors is a fainting couch and fabric and a waterfall vanity from the 40's and...and...and who knows what else.

Good thing the upstairs loft isn't finished.  Hey did you know that if you stack things just right you can balance furniture even if there are no floor boards?  It's like old junk JENGA, though you might end up in the ER if you lose this round. 

Oh look more body parts up there.  I think those are Life Sized Barbies. 

Now I know I cleared out a space so that I could do something.  Oh yeah.  I needed to reupholster another Victorian sofa.  Note to self:  Don't brag on the internets that you can upholster stuff...people will ask you to ummm, upholster stuff. 

Here is the little bench/sofa thingy before or just after before, more like twenty minutes after we ripped it apart....

Special thanks to my friend Cindy for helping me rip the old upholstery off. 

And here it is after, well not after but kind of in the middle or at the end of the middle or really at the beginning of the end...I ran out of staples and still need to finish the arms, back and glue on the trim...

What do you think of the fabric?  The lady asked me to pick it out for her.  She said she trusted me.  I may have gotten a bit bold, but I really didn't want to work with another neutral.  Did I mention I bore easily? 

And then Husband came home and said, "Did your shop throw up?"  So funny.  Just sooooo funny.  Did you know Husband was voted "Wittiest" in our senior class.  I was tallest.  Now that takes talent.  I wasn't even the tallest, but the real tallest girl was my best friend and she already had something, so she gave it to me, she was the year book editor.  I think she was smartest.  Weird that she didn't give me that one.   

Anyway, then it started to rain and I had to move all that crap back in and for some reason it didn't fit like before and it's even worse.  I think I am going to have a yard sale.  Husband says he doubts it.  But I really think it needs to be done.  But if any TLC producers are out there looking for a new show, I just want you to know that I also have lots of animals...

Just give me a call, if I can only find that darn phone...

Smiles from the farm,