An Amazon Review-By My Cat

Dear Amazon,

Received the package today.  This is my first review but I felt so strongly about the product, that I had to write.

I can't comment on the timeliness of the delivery.  I, in fact, have no idea why you keep sending me stuff.  The two-legged food pourer never seems surprised when they show up, but maybe she's like those dogs who predict earthquakes and seizures.  She's a freak, is what I'm saying.  Anyway.  I am always pleased with the method of arrival.  It doesn't matter if the truck is white or brown, either way it upsets the dog.  So, you know, hilarious.  He does seem a tad more frightened by tall deliverers with beards, so could you work on only sending those ones?  Thank you.

Now, I know you have no control over how soon the package is opened once it arrives here, but sometimes it sits on the kitchen table for hours and no matter how much I try to point to the fact that it's still taped shut, ol' Thumbsy McYouCutOffMyWhat!? just walks on past like she's got better things to do.  Perhaps a firmly worded note on the outside of the box would prod her into productivity.  Something to think about.

Also there is a lot of discussion during these hours regarding who it belongs to and what it is.  This ridiculous banter is frustrating and a waste of my precious time.  It is so obviously mine and so obviously a box.  I don't know what you can do about that, perhaps you should hire a consulting firm to work on it...keep me apprised.

Next I'd like to address the amount of filler inside of the box.  Do you know what global warming is?  Why all the extraneous materials?  Please be kinder to the earth, Amazon*.  Though I will admit it is amusing to see Mrs. YourONLYjobIsToFeedMe playing with it.  Oh, she'll just sit there and bat the pages back and forth for hours.  Someone should build a web page devoted to such antics.  But I suppose that would be embarrassing.

*Unfortunately this is not a rare event.  For some reason Madam YeahYouScoopMyPoop embraces the throwaway aspects of our culture to such a degree that she barely opens the box before she puts it by the trash can.  It almost makes me want to stand on a garbage-littered hill and shed one sad tear.

Now I have read the description of this product and no where does it indicate the this product is for PETITE cats.  Since, obviously this is not a one-size-fits-all product, some indication of size would be appreciated.  I have decided to keep the product as I have recently started the Paleo diet and I'm sure it will fit better by the summer.

 In regards to quality I will not blame my substantial girth for the pictured unfortunate seam bursting incident as the box was a mere 12 hours old.  Please re-evaluate your manufacturing standards.

In closing, please be aware that when you again decide to send me a new box, bigger, stronger and already empty and opened would be appreciated.  The edges were tasty though.  I'll give you that.  

Thank you,

Thomas

A Post About Absolutely Everything...and Nothing

I'm bored with the internet.  Last night in bed, I buried my face in the pillow and whispered, "I hate blogging."      It's not true, I was just trying it out for the shock value.  Is that weird?  Yeah, I thought so.  

I have my February dresses done but my model  has been otherwise occupied.  She's the cheerleader in front, closest to the camera.  Hampden boys basketball Class A Maine State Champions!!! It was terribly exciting. But I am so glad cheering is over.....until football season.  

                    .  

I'm pretty close to finishing up my latest weird book.  So that's pretty exciting.  These books are not good, but I am learning so much just by writing them, so hopefully soon I will be comfortable writing a truly good book.  I think that's the best way to learn-just do it.  I don't know, what do you think?

It's almost goat kidding season and since I have no expectant mommy goats, I'm breathlessly stalking all the goat blogs for my baby fix.  Nothing yet, but surely those schmoopy little snookims will be arriving soon.  That's always fun.

I painted some little pictures.

This is "Girl in Blue with her Goat".  It was just going to be Girl in Blue but then her goat was like "Hey what's going on over there, I might have to stick my big old nose right in there and find out.  They might have gummy bears."  You know how goats can be.

And this is "Gentleman Rabbit".  He's not really a gentleman.  Which should be obvious because well, he's a rabbit...jeesh.  But besides that he really just borrowed that hat and jacket.  I'm pretty sure he's just a regular old run of the mill rabbit.  Probably works at an office somewhere, I'm guessing insurance or sales.

Ok, sorry.  I've developed a coffee habit over the winter.  I've never drank coffee before in my life.  Now I like it with a lot of sugar, a lot of 1/2 and 1/2 and a dash of cinnamon.  It's sssss-sssss-ooooo gggggoood.  Ack!

Anything else?  OH, yeah, go check out this blog Broken Oak Farm.  She's just the cutest thing and she's got goats, so you know she's good people.  This is where Stella and Alice are now residing and I do miss them so.

There, I think that just about covers it.  Have a great day!

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

Wee Little Mike Cooley

One of my favorite bands ever is the Drive By Tuckers.  I'm a particular fan of guitarist, Mike Cooley.  There's just something about a southern man with a guitar...I don't know...

We had tickets to see them last year when they came to Maine but I got sick.   It's a long, sad story but we'll just gloss over the details and say I didn't get to see them.  They're playing in Portland next month and I'd love to go, but finances are a bit tight right now and I can't justify tickets, gas and babysitter... maybe next year.  

So I did this...It's my own Mike Cooley action figure.  I might have issues.  

He's only about three inches tall.  Do you know how hard it is to sew wee little clothes for tiny guitar gods?  It's really hard.  Hey...I admitted that I had issues, you don't have to back away so fast.

Isn't his wee little guitar so cute?  The original was painted by Wes Freed, of whom I am also a huge fan.  I have a few of Mr. Freed's signed prints.  I follow him on Facebook and I won them  by guessing what the number painted on a license plate in the print meant.  I'm not going to show you the print because it's a little naughty.  Oh, the number is Myrt "Hubcap" Lesh's phone number.  She was a car thief played by Ellen Corby on the Andy Griffith show, of which Mr. Freed is a huge fan (I bet her never made a Sheriff Andy action figure though).  Ellen Corby is best known for playing Grandma Walton on the Waltons.  These are the things I know.  Sometimes they come in handy.  Why are you running away from me?

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

Where I've Been...and Where I'm Going...

In my never-ending quest for self enlightenment...wait...let's read that read that first part again...Snort-- that's kind of pretentious isn't it?  And a lie.  I am far from questing for anything.  Well I'd cut a b*tch for a Family Sized bag of Doritos but I don't believe that counts as a quest.

What was I saying?  Oh yeah.  This is a new series that I am going to TRY to do at least once a week or month...whatever.  I won't write a big explanation because it's pretty self explanatory really.  But if you'd like to join me and link up in comments that would be fun and very interesting!  Here's basically my plan:  The first part of the post will focus on the place I've come from-the people I have known-the things I've learned and the second will focus on where, who and what I hope to go, meet and do in the future.  Simple.  So here goes....

Where I've been...

This is my mother's mother's mother.  I remember her as Nana.  Looking at her face I see that I have her chin and realize that I have never been grateful enough for her ever being born.  She raised eight children; simply and well.  From what I can dust off and guess at anyway.  How do we appreciate where we're going if we don't respect where we've come from?

Where I'm going:

Or hope to go....There has been a figurative pebble stuck in my shoe for so long that my stride has adjusted to it and it's easy to disregard the discomfort.   I think it  might be time to shake my boot and reacquaint myself to what I 'm suppose to be doing.  A little building that I think must have been a gas station a long time ago is for sale in my town.  It's on the road that eventually leads to the ocean and would make a darling shop.  If it's possible...maybe...

So that's it.  Any takers?  Please link up in the comments!

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

Sew-Sew

I have posted Dress Number Two up on the other blog...

You don't have to go over unless you want to read about sewing.  Here's the picture.  Remember in Alice In Wonderland when she ate the cookie (why that little girl was always eating things that clearly didn't belong to her makes me twitchy.)  Anyway...we are waiting for this little girl's legs to shoot out through the upstairs windows.  Tall, she is.  Getting taller every day.

Oh and it was 17 degrees.  Let's all give her a small round of applause for doing this for me.  Thanks Haley!

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

Good Question...

I received this comment on my New Project post.

Awesome question.  Really good.  Fine inquiry.



What?  Oh.  Ummm, my goodness,  I don't know!

Ok,  I will try to sum it up as best as I can.  Some of you know that my journey in parenting is at the least....precarious.  I have two little boys who are significantly disabled.  Both need 24 hour full care.  This creates a little bit of an employment dilemma for me.  And I would LOVE to work.  I really enjoy being employed-having a purpose-responsibility-goals-----a paycheck....but I just can't.  The schedule just won't allow it.  They only go to school a few hours in the morning and even that is sporadic due to their health issues.  

The job market for my schedule is very thin.  You know how at the end of job interviews they say something like, "We'd love to hire you to work only when it's convenient for you!  Don't worry about being called home or calling in when you can't find a skilled healthcare provider to care for your kids!  We UNDERSTAND!", said no employer-ever.

So much like Jake the Border Collie herds cats, me, the last two goats, and ladybugs (really----it's weird) I make up things for me to complete.  I've written a bad science-fiction novel, started this blog, started some other ones too-though only this one has stuck, I go on diets-not because I care about my weight-but just to have a working goal.  Sometimes I succeed at my "jobs", sometimes I quit.

So to be perfectly honest, I don't really know why I am making 52 dresses.  I do know that I can sew.  Maybe someone will be interested in watching my progress and the blog will grow, maybe not.  But it's a cheap hobby if you know where to shop and it will satisfy my dormant Type A personality to have some purpose other than butt wiper and couch snuggler.  Parenting special needs kids can be a thankless task.  I more often get oatmeal smeared on my shoulder than a pat on it.  So in sewing 52 dresses, as well as I am able, maybe I will get a few "atta' girls"  from the blog's readers.

Yeah, that's why.  Thanks for asking!  Now we both know.

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

The Other Duck

My friend Marigold recently commented on another post about the fate of The Other Duck, and I realized I have never shared with the world that, in fact, The Other Duck is no longer with us.  I mean he's with us as like a substance-like all of his cells and things are still around-they're just not working as a cohesive unit in that thing we all like to call LIFE.  He's dead, is what I mean.

OH-HE WAS A GOOD DUCK...I guess...I mean as ducks go.  I don't mean to sound flippant about the life and times of a duck, but I just cannot keep a duck.  It's sad, because I enjoy having ducks, but bringing them here is a guarantee of imminent demise.  They just won't stay where I want them to and they end up getting eaten.  A little piece of my heart pinches and pokes at me whenever one of my animals passes on, crosses the rainbow bridge, checks out, bites it...and so I shall have no more ducks.

Remember Stan Lee?  Dead.

His girlfriend, Violet, is dead too.  The two black ducks?  Dead.  The other duck brothers?  Dead.  That weird duck that hatched that I bought on ebay?  Pushing daisies.

I still want an emu though.  I'd like to see those damn foxes try to eat one of them!***

***A fox couldn't eat an emu right?  I don't really want to see a fox try to eat an emu unless the emu is a bad ass and just goes all gansta on the fox.  Like the Jack Bauer of emus.*****

*****I have just started watching 24 on Netflix.  It's really good if you can look past the very large cell phones.  When did 2001 become the olden days?

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

My New Project

I have started a new blog...

I am going to sew a dress each week for the year of 2013.  I know-I know you've heard my big project ideas before.  But I have actually made four dresses so far.  I waited at least that long before I made the blog.

My first dress post is up and I am giving it away, iffin you're interested.

I'll still blog here, or at least as often as I have been.

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

Now Where Will I Keep My 45's?

I have a bunch of these old 45 album cases.  I think I must own about ten of them.  But I own no records.  Weird.  So, I've started painting them to hold other things.

Ok, so I've painted one to hold other things.  If it sells, well, then I'll paint more.  It is available on Etsy for $45.00.  

I also just finished these little magnets.  They are tiny little chalkboards---I KNOW---how cute are they? You could use them for gift tags too.  They are available on Etsy for $10.00.   

So that's what I've been up to.  How are you?  Keeping warm?  Good-good.  Talk at you later!

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

Goat Coat

Because Dottie is mostly white, she gets cold easily.  It has been below zero for the last few days and her old coat was so 2010.  No respectable goat would be seen in it.  So I made her a new one.

We had to add a few inches to this years coat.  Don't feel bad Dottie, that middle-age spread gets us all.

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa