Wednesday, March 13, 2013

An Amazon Review-By My Cat

Dear Amazon,

Received the package today.  This is my first review but I felt so strongly about the product, that I had to write.

I can't comment on the timeliness of the delivery.  I, in fact, have no idea why you keep sending me stuff.  The two-legged food pourer never seems surprised when they show up, but maybe she's like those dogs who predict earthquakes and seizures.  She's a freak, is what I'm saying.  Anyway.  I am always pleased with the method of arrival.  It doesn't matter if the truck is white or brown, either way it upsets the dog.  So, you know, hilarious.  He does seem a tad more frightened by tall deliverers with beards, so could you work on only sending those ones?  Thank you.

Now, I know you have no control over how soon the package is opened once it arrives here, but sometimes it sits on the kitchen table for hours and no matter how much I try to point to the fact that it's still taped shut, ol' Thumbsy McYouCutOffMyWhat!? just walks on past like she's got better things to do.  Perhaps a firmly worded note on the outside of the box would prod her into productivity.  Something to think about.

Also there is a lot of discussion during these hours regarding who it belongs to and what it is.  This ridiculous banter is frustrating and a waste of my precious time.  It is so obviously mine and so obviously a box.  I don't know what you can do about that, perhaps you should hire a consulting firm to work on it...keep me apprised.

Next I'd like to address the amount of filler inside of the box.  Do you know what global warming is?  Why all the extraneous materials?  Please be kinder to the earth, Amazon*.  Though I will admit it is amusing to see Mrs. YourONLYjobIsToFeedMe playing with it.  Oh, she'll just sit there and bat the pages back and forth for hours.  Someone should build a web page devoted to such antics.  But I suppose that would be embarrassing.

*Unfortunately this is not a rare event.  For some reason Madam YeahYouScoopMyPoop embraces the throwaway aspects of our culture to such a degree that she barely opens the box before she puts it by the trash can.  It almost makes me want to stand on a garbage-littered hill and shed one sad tear.

Now I have read the description of this product and no where does it indicate the this product is for PETITE cats.  Since, obviously this is not a one-size-fits-all product, some indication of size would be appreciated.  I have decided to keep the product as I have recently started the Paleo diet and I'm sure it will fit better by the summer.

 In regards to quality I will not blame my substantial girth for the pictured unfortunate seam bursting incident as the box was a mere 12 hours old.  Please re-evaluate your manufacturing standards.

In closing, please be aware that when you again decide to send me a new box, bigger, stronger and already empty and opened would be appreciated.  The edges were tasty though.  I'll give you that.  

Thank you,

1 comment:

  1. Toooo funny Thomas!! BTW, what was in the box??