Prom Night

This was prom weekend . Kass only decided to go a week ago.  Unfortunately all of the prom dresses were pretty picked over at the stores.  Luckily, I know my way around a sewing machine.  

I remember my prom.  Or better yet, I remember my dress, my hair, the flowers, make up, shoes.  I can even tell you to the penny how much everything cost, because I have kept all of the receipts and tags in a scrap book.  What?  That's not weird.  The actual prom was pretty boring.  The dressing up?  Awesome.  

Prom 1988

Things have changed a lot in the 24 years since my prom. Kass forgot her eyeliner, but was able to borrow her date's.  That's something I've never been able to say.  There was also a boy wearing 3 inch heels and a red gown.  My grandmother used to cluck her tongue at our 80's androgynous hair and boys with earrings.  Am I my grandmother?  

My little tomboy let me put fake eyelashes on her and curl her hair and dress her in satin and sparkles.

When I asked her if she had a good time, she said.  "Meh.  The prom was boring but dressing up was fun."  So at least some things stay the same.

Smiles,
Lisa

My porch is no longer pink...

I've changed the name of the blog to...well you can see the title right up there.  Get it?  Front Porch POSTS.  Right!  Right!

I've even got my very own Earl.

I mean URL.

So now all I have to do is write some posts...and post them...post haste.

I'll get on that.

Smiles,
Lisa

Gigashmirtz

Two Old People Talk About Computers

What kind of computer did you get?

A white one.

Ohhh.  How many....you know...thingy's does it have?

Thingy's? 

You know....

Ummm....hand flaps?

No...jeesh....

Sarcastic non-words?  OH, puffed out cheeks....no?  Eyerolls?  Do you want to know how many eyerolls it has?

MEMORIES!

You want to know how many memories it has?  Well there was this one time in '64 when it joined a commune...

MEMORY...how much memory does it have?

Oh.  Five. 

Five?  It has five memory. 

No?  Um, six.  Yeah, six or seven memories. 

How many giga-whatzies does it have?

Oh, Gigashmirtz?  Lots. 

I don't think gigashmirtz are real things. 

Sure they are.  There are like a million gigashmirtz in a megashmirtz.  Something like that.

Gigashmirtz? 

Yup, and megashmirtz. 

You need to stop saying that or it's going to stick in our addled brains and we're going to repeat it in polite company.

Gigashmirtz.  Ok, that was the last time. 

Are you going to blog this conversation?

Mmm, I would but I 'm pretty sure it would take up too many gigashmirtz. 

Smiles from the farm,

Lisa

This Really Happened...

...and since there is no photographic evidence, I have recreated it using my fine artistic skills. 

Here you go. 

I was putting on boots....

My foot hit something sock-ish....
so I reached in to pull it out....

It was kind of squishy and...warm.  No, it couldn't be....could it?

I shook the boot and the something fell out...it was a mouse.  ***

And this is why I can never put shoes on again without shaking them.  Thank you, Thomas. 

 

***Some dramatic license was taken in this recreation.  For example, the mouse was much larger and he wasn't carrying a knife.  I'm pretty sure it was a gun, but I don't know how to draw a gun. 

Thank you for listening,

Lisa

I'm a Believer....

In 1982 at 7:00 in the morning on Saturdays, before the cartoons began on network TV, they ran old episodes of the Monkees.  I was 12 and because I am prone to obsession, I became obsessed with Davy, Mickey, Peter and Mike.  My mother told me the show had been popular when she had been in high school and they weren't that young anymore.  I didn't care.  My class gift when I graduated high school was a plastic monkey.   I don't remember the poem, but it was something about being obsessed with Davy Jones and the Monkees.  This was 1988, I was weird.  Wait, we may have already determined that. 

In 1984, they had a reunion tour and my mother dropped me and my cousin off at the Bangor Auditorium on a cold winter afternoon.  The Monkees were my very first concert.  We wrote "We Love You Davy" in the snow outside their tour bus.   

I'm terribly sad.  Goodbye Davy.  We Love You. 


****Update:  Ok, I found the poem and the monkey.  The poem goes like this:  "Since Lisa liked the Monkees for the last year or two this stuffed monkey we give to you."  The tense is a little off and I remember being disappointed that this was what I was remembered for.  I mean of all the quirky things I did, they give me a plastic monkey?  It wasn't stuffed.  That was wrong too. 

Oh and I found the program.  It was 1986, not 1984.  I was 16. 

Still sad. 

 

How are YOU?

So in January I took a break from blogging.  I thought I would put together some projects and awesome posts and start out all gung ho in February.......

Sorry I just had to go look up Gung Ho in Wikipedia.  Here, if you're interested....

Gung ho is a slang term in American English used to mean "enthusiastic" or "dedicated" originally used in Marine slang. It is an anglicised pronunciation of "gōng hé" (工合), the shortened version and slogan of the "gōngyè hézuòshè" (工業合作社) or Chinese Industrial Cooperatives, which was abbreviated as INDUSCO in English.

Now we know. 

Anywhoo...

The weather here has been warm, wet, cold, icy, melty, muddy.  So yeah, that's been....nice.  Everybody's been sick.  We lost Stan Lee, the duck and so now we only have The Other Duck (whose name makes no sense at all anymore).  Jake the Dog has developed an imaginary friend named Uncle Frank.  Don't ask, it's weird.  AND I've determined that there are just too many bodies in this house and they're all out to get me.   

So essentially I have been wandering around in my bathrobe mumbling, "What the hell are you doing now?" whenever I enter a room. 

 

I mean come on, they're just messing with me right?  Right? 

Smiles from the farm,
Lisa

It Started With An Aluminum Tree...

...and kind of got out of hand from there.

Some of us were more excited about the theme than others. 

I'm pretty sure we're going to stick with this look all year long. 



Really? 

Mom?  I'm pretty sure none of my friends do things like this. 

Love the double-knit.

The fondue is ready!

Is this tie wide enough?  I think it needs to be wider.  Much, much wider. 

I could use a Tab. 

A Very Polyester Christmas Special.

Here's hoping your holidays are full of smiles and totally lacking in itchy slacks. 

Shhhhhh....

I'm pretty sure if I don't change my November banner, Christmas will not come and I'll have a chance to finish everything. 

Yeah, and maybe these two will find a way to be useful. 

Smiles,
Lisa

I Prefer Herbivores...

Have you noticed the owls?  Everywhere are these googly eyed owl pillows, owl pin cushions, owl pot holders, appliqued owl underpants.  Ok, maybe not that last one but who decided that owls were cute?  Owls are predators, they eat cats, small dogs and little old ladies.  Just carry them right away.  Not cute, is what I say. 



That's right grandma, owls are cuddly.  Let's hug. 

 So I've been thinking...scary, I know.  I think we need a new trend.  New pillow fodder, if you will.  So here you go.  Goats are the new owls.

You're welcome.

(All available in my Etsy shop)


Smiles,
Lisa

Poor Ernit....

Scene:  Kitchen of a drafty old farmhouse.  Middle-aged man sitting at table acting crabby.  Teenage girl enters room, takes plate from cupboard, walks toward pan of lasagna on stove.  Middle-aged but very attractive and young spirited woman observes from doorway.


Middle-aged man:  You hungry?

Teenage girl:  (rolling her eyes) Yeah.

Middle-aged man:  Do you want some lasagna?

Teenage girl:  (rolling her eyes even more than usual) Yeah.

Middle-aged man: (more crabbily than usual) I made that you know.

Teenage girl:  (sighing heavily) Yeah.

Middle-aged man:  Well, what did you do to earn it?

Teenage girl:  (sighing even heavilier than usual)  Oh my God!   I don't even know who Ernit is! 

Middle-aged man looks confused.  Teenage girl looks snarky.

Middle-aged but very attractive and young spirited and also brilliantly smart woman:  Snort-snort, laugh-laugh-laugh-laugh.  Ernit!  What DID you do to Ernit?  Bah-hahahahahah. 


True story


Smiles from the farm,
Lisa (I was the attractive one-just so if you was wondering)