What I got at the auction...

Where were you in 1949?

I was negative 21 years old.  My mother was negative 3. 

Was 1949 one of the good old days?  It had to have been better than today.  Less drugs, unprotected sex, greasy fast food, unhealthy fad diets, less drama. 

Yeah, nope, it doesn't seem that was the case.

Witness, a 1949 copy of  A Woman's Home Companion.

So far it seems nice.  Knock-off Norman Rockwell illustration.  Lovely. 

But behold what lies within....

I wonder why that slogan didn't stick?  I, for one, do prefer my cooking grease to be digestible.

Then there's this...

Now, I don't know what Idle Hour Clothes are, but I want them.  And I promise to keep them gay with Ivory Flakes.  If they make Ivory Flakes anymore.  Probably when they stopped making Gay Idle Hour Clothes, they stopped making Ivory Flakes.  Pity.  But I will settle for a Gay Idle Hour, you can keep the clothes. 

Then there was this bit of upbeat journalism...

Wherein not only do too many babies die, but too many BABIES die.  Now having donned my GAY IDLE HOUR CLOTHES, I chose not to read the article.  However this one sentence caught my attention...

So if your grandmother is no longer with us, chances are she died of syphilis.  Or old age.  But probably syphilis.  One more reason why Betty White is so amazing.

The trouble started when they enrolled in The New DuBarry Success Course and got all sexy and stuff...

When she said she was gonna lose all that weight 'cause she wanted a shot, she probably didn't mean at a whoring sailor or 10 cc's of penicilin.  The poor dear. 

It must have been torture to lose all that weight with the mmmm mmmm good dishes the magazine featured.  For instance who could resist a steaming hot platter of Velveeta Salmon Shortcake!

Please email me if you want a copy of the recipe.  Really, I don't mind.  Go ahead.....Hello? Anyone?

Then there was the smoking.  We know it's bad for us now, but God bless 'em they didn't know back then.  If you were a syphilatic, overweight, Velveeta and digestible (I assume the other option was non-digestible?) Crisco eating, lady who hung around all day in your night gown-you certainly needed a stress reliever.  Besides the statistics wouldn't lie...right?

Way to go L.A.!

Of course they reported the real news too.  The shocking stories that made us shake our heads in wonder.  Stories like dun-dun-DUUUNNNN...this...

Honest to goodness, a two page article about this dude who ironed his shirt.  Something tells me the editor was just messing with people here.  Just trying to see if those ladies were paying attention. 

Now if I could go back in time I think I would have a pretty good reply to one Mr. Vern Swartsfager (I couldn't even make that name up). 

                                      

What's the matter with girls today?  Maybe it's the veneral disease, smoking, dead babies, digestible and non-digestible vegetable fat, unhealthy weight loss or lolling about in their pajamas all idle hours of the day.  However, without a doubt, the ultimate downfall of our fair sex will historically be shown to be.....

The Velveeta Salmon Shortcake. 

Smiles from the farm,

Lisa

PS: This was most entertaining $5.00 I think I've ever spent.  I may need to get out more.