A Very Bad Day...

Seven words you don't ever want to hear...

"I think I just killed your dog."

Followed by...

"He might still be alive, but he's in pretty bad shape." 

I stood on the steps and cried and couldn't move.  I think I scared the guy who thought he'd just killed my dog.   At the thought that he was dying in the road, alone and hurt I was able to go to him.  If he was going to die, I wanted him to know what a good boy he was and how much I loved him.  He wasn't dead.  He was in pretty bad shape.  There was a lot of blood.  He thought he'd done something wrong and he put his head down and looked up at me with those eyes and my heart broke into a million tiny pieces and I'm still not sure I gathered every little one up, there may still be some lying out there amongst the melting snow. 

I picked up his broken body and rushed him to the vet.  They all looked at me with those eyes and handed me tissues and asked what my financial limit was because it didn't look good.  He was in pretty bad shape.  And I sat down on the floor of the examining room and put his head on my lap and cried because I wasn't going to be able to save him.  Money's tight right now, stupid money was going to kill my dog. 

I gave them my financial limit and they nodded and asked me to sign a DNR slip.  I went home and disinfected my kitchen.  I washed the windows with vinegar and old newspaper.  I finished the laundry, called and checked on my taxes, swept the back hallway.  I called my best friend and she cried with me.  I kept opening the back door to check on him.  The top step looks huge with no black and white dog on it. 

At 2:00 the vet called and asked how I was doing.  I said ok.  And then there was a pause.  I don't know if they teach the pause in veterinary school.  I don't know if it works either way, for good news and bad news but it kind of sucks.  Just so you know, if you are in the veterinary profession, the pause sucks.  She told me he was going to be ok too.  No broken bones, no internal injuries.  Just a cut on his nose, a lacerated tongue and an abrasion on his leg.  He had been knocked unconsious and was severely bruised but he is going to be ok. 

We are installing a run in the backyard for when we can't be outside with him...oh and my children may not be able to go to college, but Jake is ok.  That is good.  Very, very good.